Absent dads are a hugely sensitive topic. Absent usually means the non-existence, however, absent dads can be more complicated than that. We often don’t know if dad is gone for good, or if/ when he may return. Infrequent or sporadic contact can be equally, if not more, challenging to deal with. Seventeen percent of fathers in the UK have non-resident children – that’s almost one million men. Of these fathers, 13% have no contact with their non-resident child(ren) and 28% have contact of less than weekly but at least a few times a year.* This isn’t about the hows or whys of absent dads or an attempt to berate them all; there are many factors for their absence and the connection with poverty is undeniable. This is, however, an attempt to deal with absent dads as positively as possible.
Advice pieces aren’t my usual bag, not least because there’s rarely a right way to parent. However, over the five years I’ve been dealing with an absent dad / sporadic dad, I’ve found a dearth of useful advice out there. Let me first acknowledge, I’m no expert, but I do have experience. My approach of dealing with an absent dad is grounded in the research I’ve undertaken – looking at best practice for dealing with absent dads. As well as looking at best practice for raising donor conceived (fatherless) children and children who have lost one parent. I’ve also consulted experts to help me support my son with his own absent dad/ sporadic dad.
If a child’s father has decided to have little or no contact with them, that’s a pretty crappy hand to be dealt. However, your kiddies will deal with it and hopefully these tips can help you support them in that process**.
- Be proactive. If your child isn’t asking about their father’s absence it can be easy to think it’s best to avoid the topic. This could be due to a fear of not knowing what to say, or an assumption that it’s not on their mind so you’re better off not bringing it up. Waiting until they bring it up can mean your child has been left dealing with big emotions alone. Be proactive, talk to your child at the earliest possible point about her/his absent dad. This will make it easier to continue the conversation over time and show them it’s something that’s OK to talk about.
- Honesty – tell them their story. So you’re going to talk to them at the earliest point, but what do you tell them? The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Well, that might be taking it too far depending on all the details, but as much truth as possible in an age appropriate way. Children need to know their story, and to be able to cope with the details of what they are being told. They need to be told it gently and honestly so they can trust you and understand their own identity. For adoption and donor conception the advice is very clear – tell the child their story from as young an age as possible. The news shouldn’t be news per se, it should be a part of their story, something they never “learn”, but something which may be added to as they develop the maturity to cope with the answers. Whether it is that daddy lives overseas, he ran off without a forwarding address, or he has mental ill-health and drug addiction – they have the right to know. It might be that you explain this as; we live far from each other, he wasn’t ready to be a father, or he has issues he needs to deal with, but the fundamental point is that you try to explain it in a way that is understandable, truthful and kind. The reasons behind a dad’s absence shouldn’t be a secret.
- Don’t lie. Sometimes the story isn’t nice, or we don’t know all the answers, or indeed if this is how the story ends. It’s rare a dad provides a leaving card, and we have no way of truly knowing if they will ever return into our children’s life or not. If you don’t know the answer, tell them that. Our children need to be able to trust us and whilst you might consider lying to protect them, it can end up backfiring. If they are asking challenging questions, remember you can ask them for time to think about it.
- Reassure them their dad’s absence is NOTHING to do with them. You might think telling them the truth precludes the need for this point, but many children end up worrying and blaming themselves for a parent’s absence. Reassuring them this is not the case can help, especially for older children (young children are less likely to make this connection).
- Talk (positively) about their dad. As hard as this can be, remember that your child is genetically half of this man too. Children benefit from knowing about their backgrounds – it helps to develop confidence in their own identity and a sense of belonging. If you have any happy memories, try to share them or talk about the absent parents’ positive traits and show them old photos. Their dad wasn’t always absent and knowing that can help your child grow.
- Keep revisiting the story. As much as we might want to avoid conversations about an absent parent, it’s a grieving process for children which they will experience in stages. We need to continually revisit the story so they can understand and process it. They may have new questions to ask, or new feelings to deal with. Things which made sense at first, may no longer do so. Their expectations of their father are likely to change as they learn more about the world around them. Some children will find it easy to initiate conversation, others won’t. Make sure it’s clear to your child that you are willing to talk to them about their absent father and answer any questions they have (as best you can). Being open, honest and positive will help to create this sense of openness.
- Use photos/ memory books/ scrap books. Creating story books of their story/ their dad can be really helpful. There’s no right or wrong way to do this; you could create it together with memories, drawings and photos, or you could do it for them. These books can give children a grounding in their own identity as well as be a useful conversation starter about their own absent dad. It’s also something you can add to over time as the story/ their understanding evolves. My son used to ask to have his ‘dad book’ read over and over again. It often led to tears, but dealing with an absent dad isn’t about creating a way to prevent the hurt, it’s about finding a way for the child to process it and let it out so they can move forward from it. As they get older, or if their father leaves them as older children, then doing their own writing/ story book may help with the processing of emotions too. Although you may find this upsetting to read, remember, it’s not something to be used to try and ‘convince’ dad to return, but to help your child heal.
- Go at their speed. If your child is very young they may not be able to identify their emotions directly. However, they might broach the topic through indirect play. Whether that’s talking about their teddy bears’ dad, or about all dad’s in general. Go with this. Ask questions; how does the rabbit feel? How do daddies make children feel? etc. With older children it’s easier to talk more directly about their emotions but still important to respect their boundaries.
- Show love and encourage their emotions. Children are likely to feel very big emotions around the absence of a parent. Try to meet those emotions with love and understanding and allow them to let it all out. They may be overly positive or negative about their absent father. Don’t ‘correct’ them either way, try to validate their feelings and use open-ended questions to allow them to talk more.
- Be careful with your language. Blame and anger don’t work well. No matter what your feelings are about this man, and – let’s be honest – it’s likely you have some very strong feelings on the matter, don’t let that spill out. These conversations are difficult and often emotionally challenging for us mums too. Be kind to yourself and get support elsewhere so you have the strength to deal with this.
- If contact is initiated, take it slow. Absent dads / sporadic dads often come and go from our children’s lives. When this happens it can be hard to know what’s best. Some people suggest that no contact is better than inconsistency, others place an emphasis on the relationship over all else. My opinion, which is influenced by the professionals I’ve spoken to, is that the child and father will have a “relationship”, whether they have contact or not. My role is not to prevent that, but to support my child in making it as positive an experience as possible. When contact is initiated, it helps to take things slow even if the child is keen to move fast. This way if their father leaves their life again, they haven’t become a huge part of the child’s daily life.
- If contact is cancelled, do something special. If their dad is in their life but constantly cancels/ doesn’t show this can be really hard on your little one. Although we often try to minimise this disappointment by not telling them about an upcoming visit until we’re sure dad is on his way, this isn’t always possible. If dad doesn’t show up and they were expecting him, acknowledge that this is disappointing and then make a plan to do something else nice instead. Perhaps invite a best friend over, go out for a treat or head to the park for some outdoor family fun. This doesn’t just help your child not dwell on the absence of dad, it also models how to deal with disappointment in life in general. When plan A doesn’t work out, there is always plan B, C and D! Who knows, you might even have more fun.
- Fake it till you make it. This works with how you communicate to your child and – if there is contact – with the father too. It’s likely you may feel numerous emotions around the situation but try to keep those out of it. Over time it will become easier and you will eventually find the emotions are pretty much gone.
- Be prepared for the questions. Practice your answers. In the shower. To the mirror. Those rare moments when the kids are asleep and you’re on the edge of their bed staring in wonder at them. Test out the words; hear them coming out of your mouth and have a cry over them if necessary, but get them ready for when the difficult questions come.
- Be prepared some more. It’s likely that a lot of the first questions won’t come from your own child if they are very young when their father leaves. Babies, toddlers, pre-schoolers, are all likely to just accept their situation without questions until they encounter examples where they aren’t the ‘norm’. However, their little pals at swimming or a random kid at the park, may well pipe up with the awkward question when you’re least expecting it. If your kid isn’t around to witness the conversation then you may handle it one way. But if they are staring up at you in wonderment at what the reason really is that they don’t have a daddy around, then your answer becomes a whole lot more poignant and it’s best to be prepared for this.
- Role model answering awkward questions and focus on what you do have. At some point you will be asked about the lack of a father in your child’s life, or people will incorrectly assume they are around. Remember, it’s likely that questions and assumptions made in front of you are also happening for your child when you aren’t around. These situations, as galling as they may be, provide a prefect opportunity to role model positive answers which your child can also use. The questions generally revolve around the same theme, so once you have one answer, you can reel it out on most occasions. For example, “where’s his dad?”, “why doesn’t he have a daddy”, “everyone has a daddy” etc, can all be answered with a similar line such as “we are a one parent family”, “we don’t have a daddy in our family”, “we are a single parent family”, “all families are different”, “we have one mummy and one child in our family” etc. Using words like “we”, helps to remove the emphasis from the child; referring to “family” helps reiterate to your child that you are a family, and deflecting the conversation away from what you don’t have (daddy) to what you do have (mummy) can also help to re-frame the focus onto the positives. Of course, things often aren’t as easy in real life and some kids will keep digging. You don’t need to answer everything though, so once you’ve hit them with the, “oh we’re a one parent family actually”, move seamlessly into “and what did you have for lunch/ what do you want to play now/ how old are you?” etc. This works for adults as well as kids, although maybe don’t ask them their age! It’s useful to reflect on the conversation with your child later so they have an opportunity to discuss their feelings as chances are you won’t have given that space in the moment. It may also be a chance to talk to them about the kinds of questions they are asked by friends and check they feel able to deal with those too. If not you can always try some role play practice of difficult questions.
- Seek support and advice. If you aren’t sure how to approach dealing with an absent dad, or you feel your child’s behaviour is struggling because of it, then seek advice. Don’t forget about your own emotions in amongst all this too. There is no shame in needing support to get through what is likely a painful time for you. In the UK there are support systems we can reach out to; doctors, health visitors, schools, children’s mental health services, children’s centres, family support workers etc. They can help you access the services you need for you and your child to deal with the emotional and behavioural challenges attached to having an absent dad. There are also some online resources available. I have found both Family Lives and Skylight Trust useful.
- Remember you ARE enough. All evidence suggests one loving parents is enough for a child. No-one can force a parent to have an active relationship with their child, but with one loving parent, that absence will NOT define them, your love will.
These tips aren’t from an expert, they are from a mum trying to learn how to deal with the challenging reality of an absent dad / sporadic dad. I’m not claiming there’s only one way to deal with an absent dad. What does seem clear though is that a few factors really do seem to help, namely: honesty, willingness to talk and lots of love. Remember, it’s never too late to talk about an absent parent with your child. If you’re worried you’ve approached it all wrong, don’t be, this isn’t an authoritative guide and if you think it’s given you new insights into how to approach the matter, then you can still employ these tips, no matter what age your child is.
If you have other tips for dealing with an absent dad/ sporadic dad please do share them below.
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If you found this useful, you might also like this post on Support for Single Parents.
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*Personally I have an issue with how the research grouped this. I think there should have been a category of less than once a week but at least six weekly, and then less than six weekly. For me a father who sees their child without fail every two weeks is not an absent dad, but a father who only sees their child sporadically and, on average, only a few times a year is coming very close to that definition. Of course it also depends on the contact in between and what arrangements have been agreed. For example, a father who lives thousands of miles away but maintains phone contact reguaraly and visits three times a year is not ‘absent’ in the same way someone who lives an hour away, rarely phones and often misses pre-arranged meet ups is. In a way, that sporadic, not-quite absent, not quite present, dad is the hardest one to deal with because the story keeps changing and there’s (usually) no ‘simple’ answer to the dad question.
**I’ve chosen to talk about absent dads and not absent parents because, although in some families it’s the mother who is absent, I only have lived experience of the former. I could say the experience is the same for fathers dealing with absent mums and it might well be, but I don’t know. If you are dealing with an absent mum I hope this advice can help too. If you have tips for dealing with an absent mum please do share in the comments below.
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21st August 2022 at 10:19 pm
Hi, my twins are 5 and a half and my girl talks constantly about her dad (who hasn’t been around since they were 4 months old) constantly, draws him pictures and includes him in board games we play. He is a nasty selfish sociopath and i was happy when he stopped seeing them, but seeing how much my daughter wants to see him is breaking my heart. I never bad mouth him and she has him on a pedestal (which is frustrating) Anyway, im wondering if he does ever get in contact, would letting them meet and then him disappearing be worse than them never seeing him at all? I’m confused and don’t know what to do for the best. Thanks
11th January 2023 at 9:37 pm
It’s so hard and almost impossible to know what is for the best. It’s great you’ve been able to avoid bad mouthing him but it’s hard to see your children sad about something. I think the thing is that if he gets back in touch it’s about any contact being done very carefully and gradually so then if it doesn’t work out it’s not a huge gap in her life again. Of course you don’t have to allow it though. I like to think of it as my son has the right to see his father and I have the responsibility to enable that IF it’s safe to do so (safe in the broadest terms including well-being). It’s often very hard to know what is best for their wellbeing though but we can only do what we think is right at the time.
10th June 2022 at 11:51 pm
I really appreciate your putting together and sharing these thoughts, research and personal experience. I have dealt for the past 8 years with a father who became progressively more absent in our son’s life to the point where I began to feel that his sporadic visits were more detrimental and emotionally confusing than anything for our son. He confirmed my feelings when he himself began to express to me simultaneous excitement and sadness/anger at the proposition of a visit by his father. Additionally the father does not help out economically at all and recently decided to move to the other side of the country and begin a new family, baby and all. This is a brief version of our story to give you context. And we live in Mexico, which is famously mired in destructive patriarchy. Which brings me to this–the only point of yours that I question is that of speaking positively about the father. I agree about sharing with my son talents that he may have inherited thru the ancestry of his father, and I do that. But I personally have begun to question presenting a simple, one sided story. I think it is important to simultaneously talk with my son about the fact that his father’s behavior is insensitive, irresponsible and wrong. In my son’s case, but also on a societal level, as there is quite a pandemic of deadbeat dads (and there has been a tendency of male abscense in family life thruout history in many cultures.) It is delicate–of course I dont want my son to feel his father’s behavior is his fault or weigh him down with the inappropriate expectation of him being a better father some day. But I do question how the inherited behavior chains of irresponsible fathering will ever be broken if we aren’t willing to bring up these issues with the new generations. Certainly the behavior of my son’s father is nothing admirable for my son to aspire to. So I feel and say this–speak of the good traits, yes. But also acknowledge the bad. By keeping quiet on the unacceptability of absent fathers I worry that we may unwittingly present to our children that this kind of parenting behavior is OK. As far as I have found there is a DEARTH of information/research around this idea I bring up. I would be interested if you have heard anyone else express this feeling I have. Thank you!!!
11th January 2023 at 9:50 pm
Thanks for the comment. I think there’s essentially two things going on here…. one is talking about them as an individual – their traits and personalities and not talking badly about those (even though there may be many traits which you dislike) because kids can feel like they may inherit these traits, just like they may have his eyes or hair colouring etc and that can be negative for them. Also, I think in general we don’t need to talk about someone’s negative traits. The second point is around what they have done and their behaviour in terms of being a father. This children have the right to know about and to some extent and depending on age they will know about this already. e.g. they will know if they don’t show up when they say they will etc. When our kids are young we may need to protect them from some of the details but I think we can and should tell them the truth. E.g. let’s not pretend daddy lives in another country if actually he’s in prison. We can talk about him not making good decisions when it came to being a dad etc. It’s all very dependent on the age of the child how you do it, but I agree that we should talk about that. In terms of the unacceptability of dads being absent I don’t think we need to overemphasise this, kids will grow up feeling that. I think it’s more important we focus on emphasising how their roles as positive fathers may be, or what they might want to look for in a partner, or read books with positive father role models, or ensure there are other positive male role models in their life. I think this is where they will learn more rather than berating what their father did…. they will know this and feel it on such an intrinsic level. However, I’m not an expert on this and I’m learning as I go as things change and I read more and see how my son is from all that he’s experienced.
31st December 2021 at 5:39 am
All evidence definitely does not suggest single motherhood is the same or good for children. I also think speaking positively about a child’s father isn’t necessarily the best for the child. That doesn’t mean speaking negatively but the reality is he chose to leave that child and unfortunately that is the child’s burden to bare. A parent shouldn’t abandon their responsibilities and get spoken about well. It’s horrible for a child to deal with this, but it will happen one way or another. The latter point was obviously coming from the right place from the author I just wanted to offer a different perspective. It should be made clear that this type of behaviour should be ostracised, it might break the chain
31st December 2021 at 12:07 pm
Hi Joe, Thanks for your comments. Actually the research on single parents suggest sometimes there can be benefits (e.g. the children have better peer relationships and greater sense of family) and that the correlation with poorer outcomes is about poverty not single parenting per se. It’s not the same as couple parenting for sure, but it doesn’t have to be bad for children by any means. Re. not speaking negatively about the father the research suggests this is important. Essentially the idea is if the child is 50% from that person if you’re constantly saying eg. he’s useless, can’t do x, is a waste of space etc, on some level the kid can feel like they are also going to inherit that, that they are part of that and that they are even responsible for that. t doesn’t mean constantly saying he’s an amazing man if the evidence doesn’t back it up. But if he’s good at singing and the child is, it can be nice to say oh you sing well like you’re dad. This gives the child assurances of where they came from and that there is good in that and he can talk about that person and ask questions. In terms of if they have abandoned them, it’s not about saying e.g. it’s great they abandoned you, not at all. It’s about being honest about why e.g. they didn’t know how to be a good daddy, they had a problem with drink and it wasn’t safe. These things aren’t positive and we don’t need to pretend they are, but we don’t need to say and therefore he’s an intrinsically bad person but rather that he made bad choices, that is his problem/ issue and doesn’t reflect on anything we did. The child will know instinctively this is not good behaviour as they will see other dads around and they will probably feel a sadness or at least confusion around it all. It’s about them sharing their feelings around it so they can process their own anger and hurt which no doubt they will have and not making it an opportunity for us to get out all our angst about someone who abandoned us.
4th December 2021 at 2:57 pm
Ellamental Mama,
Thank you for writing this insightful blog for single moms. We could use more information like this. Your point of making the child informed of the heritage really makes sense and I look forward to teaching my daughter more about hers.
I have came across your blog as I was googleing for answers late last night to my question. How do I comfort my child and explain to her this situation, her father is not visiting her because on his last visit I called the police to do a wellness check. My reason for calling the police is because while my daughter was at her father’s for a visit I called her and she told me he was sleeping. I thought I was going to be picking her up so I told her to wake her father. She put the phone down to wake him and I could hear what was transpiring in the background. He was annoyed for being woken up and he was saying things like “what’s the problem, you don’t want to be here. I gave you the phone to play on. What’s the issue with you” He was doing that sort of thing. So since I could hear, I stepped in and said “it’s a school night she should be home. You shouldn’t be sleeping on your visit.” My daughter is 6 yrs old. Well after that he went off. Cursing, yelling, calling me names. My child was in hysterics. I wanted to go pick her up so bad and bring her home but I knew that would only make things worse. So I did what’s called a wellness check. You call the police, tell them the situation and they go asses it for you. That was the last time he had his daughter for a visit. He tells her that he doesn’t want to visit her because he doesn’t want the police called on him and coming to his house.
That’s just a peek into our situation. He also stopped visiting her when he was court ordered to pay child support.
I could go on and on. Most of the time my daughter and I are okay. But lately I’m noticing her reverting.
4th December 2021 at 7:00 pm
That’s such a hard one. When the other parent is on duty then technically it’s up to them how they parent but of course if they are putting the child at risk then that’s a safeguarding issue. Of course sometimes that line is blurred and parents can have different ideas on what is reasonable, and also parents can have bad days (I know I’ve been in bed before when caring for my kids if I’m sick or suffering with depression – though I don’t think I’ve ever actually fallen asleep when they are awake to be fair). If he’s refusing to visits anyway then it’s taken out of your control anyway. I think the thing with parents who aren’t really committed/ able to be decent parents though, is that they will often push the child away/ do things which make it hard to be trusted with the child alone, and then when the child is removed, or parameters for visits are put in place etc, they act like the injured party and say, “well then I won’t visit, and it’s your fault”. They will never accept responsibility for their own actions, and by pushing the limits of reasonable behaviour as a parent they will force this situation but still try to turn it round into the main parent’s fault. It sounds like that’s what he’s doing too considering he even uses the child support as an excuse. You just have to stand strong in what you believe is right and know that you aren’t denying him anything, he’s choosing to act like a child and that is what is affecting his relationship with his daughter.
5th December 2021 at 12:44 pm
Thank you for your reply and you are spot on with everything. My daughter is my main concern. I honestly believe she is better off without him. Even though I know it saddenes her sometimes. The worst part is trying to explain the situation to her. I refuse to talk bad about her father bit with what is going on is hard not too. He is doing it to himself. She 6 and knows right from wrong.
31st December 2021 at 11:59 am
Well done, it’s really hard to do this but I’m sure it will be worth it in the end.
20th November 2021 at 1:54 am
How do u choose between staying for the kids and leaving to keep my dignity, or more importantly, my sanity?
4th December 2021 at 6:54 pm
That’s really hard, noone can know when is the right time to leave but the person in that situation. I know many people stay longer than they wished they had in hindsight but sometimes that might also be right because without that extra time trying you might live with regrets. Personally though I don’t think staying for the kids is ever going to be enough, I mean if there isn’t love and respect and partnership there. If you aren’t both willing and able to work on issues that might exist in the relationship. Then staying for the kids isn’t really going to help them. They are going to learn negative relationship dynamics and perhaps worse if things are really bad. Good luck.
23rd October 2021 at 3:24 am
I am the Grandfather of a 3.5 year old little boy. He and his mother live with my wife and I. His father ( I use that term very loosely) has said he wants NOTHING to do with his son. I am agonizing over this question.
Yesterday my grandson was talking about a friend of his and said “there goes Wesley and his…… he did not what to call the boys father. It almost broke my heart. How do you tell a 3 year old his father wants nothing to do with him without telling him his father wants nothing to do with him. He is such a sweet happy little boy and knowing this pain is coming just crushes me. He has 3 people who love him more than I can express but the question of his father keeps me up at night. I found your piece helpful and I guess we have to take this head on.
Thanks
23rd October 2021 at 8:14 am
I’m sorry to hear your little grandson is experiencing this too. From my experience tackling it head on is the best way. Explaining that it’s nothing to do with him and that he has all these other people in his family. And also acknowledging that his father made him, perhaps was involved previously, but now he’s not. Best of luck. I’m sure your grandson will do just fine with all the love he does have.
23rd March 2021 at 11:47 pm
Thank you so much for this. I have a one year old daughter and her dad has only met her a hand full of times,didn’t come to her birth and was abusive in our relationship and while I was pregnant. I still I gave him a chance after having my daughter to see her once a week but he wouldn’t show or the last time over 6 months ago was abusive (verbal this time) In front of her over a conversation about maintenance money. I have decided it’s best to cut contact complete with him and his side of the family who constantly (his mother) defend his abusive behaviour. He’s also involved in Criminal activity which scares me and for mine and my daughters safety I just feel it best not to be associated with that. He also has another you d daughter which he’s very sporadic about seeing which I feel terrible as she thinks she has a younger half sibling now and her mother wanted to continue meeting up etc but right now I feel like it’s just too much and I need to heal. Can anyone relate to any of this. It’s taken alit of time for me to get a place where I can even talk about it so it’s great to find others that are going through similar
24th March 2021 at 7:06 am
That sounds really tough. You might find other single parents in groups like the Single Parent Support and Advice Services or gingerbread local support groups have been through similar and are a good source of support to go through this.
9th March 2021 at 8:58 pm
What is correct age to talk your child about his absent father. If he is not asking anything at 3.5yrs but I feel that he has it in mind. Should I start to talk sbout it to my son?
9th March 2021 at 9:05 pm
Personally I would, though of course I’m not an expert but from speaking with those who are and reading up, you should do it from as soon as you can. It might be you need to process stuff first to handle it well. But they need to know their story and their heritage. So eg it could be photos … This is your dad you have hair like him etc. But then the story could be a book you write and say like we lived together, or whatever it was then things changed cause x, y z. Now it’s me and you etc etc. It’s just to help them process it, they can’t process it if it’s not talked about. Don’t worry though, it’s never too late. I kept quiet at first as he didn’t ask so figured it was.all fine then it all came out around that age and so we did a LOT of talking and now he understands better (though his dad is sporadic not fully absent so there are some differences) hope that helps x
17th February 2021 at 6:31 pm
Today my kid told his teacher that his father left him & that he doesn’t love him, she told me and it broke my heart & I have been crying for the past 6 hours, it’s tough but I am so glad I came through your article it feels so reliving & reassuring, thank you.
11th January 2023 at 9:58 pm
I’m so sorry for that. It’s so hard to hear things like this. On the positive side though it’s really, really good that she is letting it out. Keep encouraging her to let it out. As hard as it is to hear it’s much better for her.
12th February 2021 at 6:48 am
I’ve just read this piece and found it very helpful and reassuring. It reminded me to keep the conversation open about my 7 year old’s dad. I really appreciated your piece and there doesn’t seem to be much literature out there for mums/children, which I’m surprised about. Thank you.x
12th February 2021 at 3:01 pm
Hi Chess, I’m really glad you found this post and that it’s been useful. I found the same when I first started this journey, there was such a lack of useful resources, hence putting it together from all the bits and bobs I’ve found/ learnt over the years. x
2nd December 2020 at 3:49 am
Thank you so much for all the time you put into this. As a mom of a child with an absent father, I find myself struggling to find advice out there that is relatable and with substance. Your piece is really well done. At times I personally feel some shame around it and think it’s something hard to talk about at times. I appreciate you writing this.
2nd December 2020 at 7:52 am
Thanks. I’m really glad you found it and it was useful. That’s exactly why I wrote it, we’re often just left in the dark and supposed to work it all out ourselves but it’s not that easy!
23rd September 2020 at 12:31 pm
Its complicated
23rd September 2020 at 11:41 am
That’s a very good way to describe it!