Getting Divorced – Divorce Monday

January is the most popular month for getting divorced. Over twice as many people file for divorce in January as file for it in the second most popular month – September. The first working Monday in January is termed “Divorce Monday” because it’s the most popular day to file for divorce. This year Divorce Monday falls on 10th January. My own Divorce Monday came over two years ago and I’ve now been officially divorced for almost two years to the day. It’s been one hell of a journey, and of course one which started well before the day I sent off my divorce paperwork. I’m not about to launch into some advice piece on whether or not to divorce. No-one can tell you that. But perhaps I can give you a little insight into getting divorced.

According to the mainstream media, Divorce Monday reflects all that is wrong with society ‘nowadays’; a society where people are unwilling to put in effort, a society where we walk away from our commitments too easily, a society where we flit from one bad decision to the next searching for instant gratification. The UK government are so sure people enter divorce too easily that they recently overturned the proposal for a ‘no-fault’ divorce fearing it would encourage more divorces. Do they not realise that the decision to divorce comes far before you sign on the dotted line, Divorce Monday, or no Divorce Monday. An article I read the other day even suggested that limits should be introduced on when you can petition for a divorce. I guess Divorce Monday would then have to become Divorce Tuesday. Perhaps we could keep limiting it until we run out of days in the week. In fact, a disproportionate number of people who divorce got engaged at the weekend – perhaps we should just cancel all weekends. Why stop there though? Marriage is really the root of all these problems, without marriage there would be no divorce, so let’s just be done with it and scrap marriage (*JOKE*).

Don’t think for one second I’m suggesting divorce is a good thing in and of itself, that would be just as absurd as thinking it’s a universally bad thing. Divorce is neither good nor bad. Divorce is an outcome for many people which they need. It is a result which only they can know is right for them, and only they can know when is the right time to get divorced. For many people, that will be this January. Yes, it’s sad that Divorce Monday exists but not because of some imagined blight it represents on our society. It’s sad because it represents the end of someone’s hopes and dreams and it often hides many months, if not years, of unhappiness at best (and much worse for many).  Divorce is often a difficult journey and whilst that journey varies from person to person, almost everyone only reaches their Divorce Monday after having tried harder than most people can imagine possible. Whilst there’s no denying that divorce is a hard path to take, it’s certainly no failure.

So if you are one of those getting divorced this January I want to tell you this.
Getting divorced will be the hardest and most rewarding thing you have ever done. It may sound strange to call a divorce rewarding, but I’m guessing you ain’t happy with how things are going and you haven’t been for quite some time. Lots of people contemplate divorce but decide it isn’t right for them. None of us get that far into the idea of divorce without good reason. I have no idea what yours may be. A loveless marriage. Constant arguing. Abuse. Boredom. Infidelity. Addiction. The list goes on. It doesn’t matter your reason. It just matters that it’s yours. Filing for divorce represents an end of hope. An end to the belief that things will get better. Maybe the hope was extinguished in some sudden traumatic event, or perhaps you’ve slowly realised it’s been dying for some time now. Hope keeps us in a bad marriage more than love ever could.
If you are getting divorced this month just remember you’re not alone. Although it can be annoying to hear, things will get better. Two years down the line and I can honestly say that things have improved, not just since the first days of my divorce, but also from the last days of my marriage. After all, that’s what divorce is about. It is not about walking away, giving up, making a bad decision or whatever else others want to claim it is, it’s about getting out of an unhappy/ unhealthy/ un-[insert your adjective of choice] relationship. It’s a long journey but you will find the strength, and I wish you the best of luck with it.

getting divorced

Other Posts on Divorce

If you liked this post you may also like this post on why divorce is a sign of strength, the 14 emotions of a divorced mum or my one on separation – why usIf you are a parent and you are divorcing, or have divorced, and are struggling with your relationship with your child’s co-parent you may also like this post detailing my own personal challenges with co-parenting after divorce.

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Support

Gingerbread can help with advice and local groups for single parents. Divorced Moms is a supportive online community where you can hear about others’ stories and access resources.

 

One Messy Mama
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20 comments on “Getting Divorced – Divorce Monday

  1. Thank you so much for this! I will be visiting the court this week to end this waiting period.

    • I’m glad it helped. Best of luck with the court, I hope it is as painless as possible and it all works out for the best x

  2. You’re right, divorce is neither good nor bad. Divorce can be a good thing. I can’t imagine how bad things would’ve been at him if my parents had stayed together.

    I’m glad you managed to get through your divorce. #kcacols

  3. A positive, encouraging post. I had no idea about the existence of a ‘Divorce Monday’, but it makes sense that it is when it is. The Christmas holidays and the start of the New Year bring about change for most people, and as you say, for many couples who choose this route it’s something that had been waiting to happen for a while. It can’t be an easy decision to make, for anyone involved. It’s a brave decision. And I’m glad to hear things are better for you 2 years down the line. I hope they continue to get better and better! #KCACOLS

    • Yeah. I think it’s also people hold off until after the holidays ‘for the kids’ . Thanks for the comment x

  4. I didn’t know this about divorce statistics. To say that a higher percentage of people who get engaged at the weekend get divorced is stupid. I would say of course they do because unless you are in an industry where you work at the weekend (which isn’t a majority of people) then you are more like to have been proposed to/proposed to someone at the weekend. Media stats like that wind me up as they serve no useful purpose! I don’t ever want to go through a divorce if I can avoid it, but I doubt anyone wishes it upon themselves so that is a silly thing to say really. I do know that my parents divorced and as hard as I found it to cope with it was the best ting they could have done. They weren’t happy and nor were their children. They have since found the people they were meant to be with and all is much better in their worlds. Sometimes it is the best course of action and there is no amount of ‘effort’ that can change that. I’m glad it was the right decision for you.
    #KCACOLS

    • Don’t worry. I was making up the divorce stats about getting engaged at the weekends. I just figured most people get engaged at the weekend so stands to reason but a totally irrelevant stat! Thanks for sharing your perspective. I’m so glad it worked out best for everyone in your parents case.

  5. I don’t believe anyone takes Divorce lightly. I do think in many circumstances that people prolong the agony of filing for Divorce until after the holiday season but the timing is ultimately a nonentity.
    It’s better to be happy apart than unhappy together. X
    #globalblogging

    • Yes absolutely, there’s lots of reasons why the rates are higher in January but none of it has to do with people taking it lightly like you say. Thanks for reading and commenting. x

  6. “divorce is neither good nor bad” Very True. It is life. It just is. Good luck with your road forward. #globalblogging

  7. I honestly think choosing to get divorced is a really hard decision for everyone who makes it. Having never been married, I haven’t been in this position but I totally agree with you that divorce is neither good nor bad. Great post. Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday

  8. As a child of divorce I found this very interesting. Thank you for sharing! #globalblogging

  9. You make some really good points here, especially about being stuck in an unhappy marriage. Very useful post. #KCACOLS

  10. Your post could help so many people. I haven’t personally gone through a divorce, but my husband did a couple of years before we began dating. The divorce was hell for him, but I think I can speak for him when I say that everything happened in the way it was supposed to. The feeling of failure that he felt at the time was replaced with a sense of resolve and acceptance. Then, everything was behind him and life got back to normal, as much as it can when you mix in divorce and a little guy. Thanks for addressing this important topic!
    #globalblogging

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